This Love
by Renakazama
Summary: "You don't have to fear love." Ieyasu x Mitsunari fanfic. Warning bad English, my first attempt to write in English.


_**I heard someone say,**_

"_**If there's love, there's peace"**_

_**And one may agree with that, or not.**_

_**Whenever I was in pain,**_

_**You'd hold me closely,**_

_**And it was in the warmth of those arms,**_

_**That I felt peace.**_

_**But then we stopped talking to each other,**_

_**And I closed off my heart,**_

_**This love was torn apart.**_

* * *

><p><em>Although I already knew.<em>

_Although I already understand. _

_That everything about you—about me—about us—everything, _

_Is nothing more than a mere shadow of emptiness._

_And such enormous, unimaginable hatred filled my own self._

_Hatred—that I addressed towards you, is building—burning within me._

_Whatever path we chose, they all will lead us to the destruction—_

—_and in the end, we only have sorrow waiting for both of us._

_I knew it all already._

_But, why—why all of this must happen to me?_

_The flame within me—_

—_is now burning my mind mercilessly._

_And it pains._

_It hurts._

_It hurts._

_It hurts._

_I'm in pain._

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you helped me as a friend,<strong>_

_**I imagined our future together,**_

_**And though I saw happiness in store for us,**_

_**I didn't see my own self.**_

_**Though we said our promises would be our compass,**_

_**We lost sight of the direction this love was going in.**_

* * *

><p>And it was raining all day long.<p>

The thundering black clouds hanged all over the sky.

The smell of rusty, raw blood lingered through my senses.

Lifeless bodies everywhere, soaked in the rain.

A man was sitting in front of me, leaning his back on his men's corpses.

He smiled at me—sadly.

"Good for you," he said, "You can kill me now, if you want, Mitsunari."

I gritted my teeth—tightened my grip on my blade.

"You—bastard—I WON'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

My grip tightened around his neck—but he did not resist at all.

Suddenly, a loud—clear laughter burst out from him.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And I was petrified.

* * *

><p>The sun was shining again, after three days and two nights of pouring rain from the heavens.<p>

The remaining troops were marching to the capital—to announce the victory on their grasps.

I stood in an empty room—Hideyoshi-sama's throne.

Or it should be his throne at first.

Now, it's really _empty._

_I felt nothing—nothing at all._

_I just won—I managed to avenge Hideyoshi-sama—_

—_but I just felt nothing._

_This is just an empty victory—without any meaning at all._

"Milord,"

A voice shook me from my mind.

A youth, clad in red, showed before me.

"Yes, Sanada. What do you want?" I asked.

"I just want to ask you about what should we do about Tokugawa-dono," he spoke—with somewhat anxious tune.

I gritted my teeth.

Just hearing his name makes me sick.

"It's my business. I believe you don't have to involve yourself in this matter, Sanada."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Another one," he asked, "Please pardon my rudeness, but I really don't understand about your actions, Ishida-dono. Forgive my curiosity, but I really need to know, why do you let Tokugawa-dono _live_?"

I clenched my fists—enraged.

"That's none of your business! Get out from here!"

Sanada looked shocked, and get his feet off from the room.

"If you'll excuse me."

When he was gone, I kept standing—sliently.

I stared to Hideyoshi-sama's empty throne.

Suddenly, numerous images were painted in my mind.

_When we were young._

_When we were friends._

_When he was everything to me._

His face showed up in every pages in my mind.

Then, Hanbei-sama and Hideyoshi-sama's face were staring at me.

"_Mitsunari-kun_," said Hanbei-sama, "_Why do you let him live?_"

I was shocked—and barely able to say a word.

"_Why? Why do you let him live?_"

I felt sweat rolled down my back.

"_Why, Mitsunari? Why?"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I found that the room had empty again.

The temperature had gone up.

I slumped on the floor—losing my power.

Fear had instilled my mind.

"…what should I do….what should I…?"

I broke into cold sweat.

* * *

><p>Few days later, I moved to the capital—taking along the remaining troops—and also the prisoners.<p>

Among the prisoners—Tokugawa Ieyasu—was taken to the imperial prison.

I placed him into a palace-like prison—although the palace itself was barred.

I went to his room, upstairs.

He was shocked when I went to met him—personally.

"Mitsunari," he said—with somewhat happy expression.

"You come to see me? I'm so glad."

I took my eyes off from him.

"I'm just checking up on my prisoner—nothing more."

"Oh. Well. Err—"

An awkward silence filled the room.

Both of us—were standing still, unmoved.

Not a bit moved.

He gazed at the sky outside, through the barred window on his room.

He smiled a bit—with his eyes glittered in faint kindness.

"Say, Mitsunari?" He reached the bar on the window, gently hold it on his grasp.

"Is this some kind of golden cage for someone like me?"

I felt my eyes were widened.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, clenched my fists in trembling anger.

"I mean, I know you despise me the most. Then, why do you do this? Why don't you just kill me that day already?"

I kept silent—unmoved. I tried to avoid eye contacts with him.

"Why?" He stared at me—intently—with such a pious soul, "Why do you do this to the person you hate the most?"

"Shut up," I bit my lip—while cold sweat rolled down my spine, "I don't have any particular reason for doing that."

"I don't deserve this," He said, stared at the window, "The person that killed your Hideyoshi-sama wouldn't deserve such things like these. I'm sure you would do much more than these."

I raised my blade, and pointed it on his neck—driven by my anger.

"I SAID SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

He smiled—calmly, and sadly.

"…you can't drive yourself to kill me, Mitsunari?"

I gritted my teeth—trying to control my emotions.

"There's no need to hold yourself. Just kill me, and you'll be free. I'll be free. We both will be free."

"What do you mean by 'free'?" I stared at him with a sharp glare.

"You'll be free. Free from something that constricts you for all of these times."

"I don't understand what are you talking about!"

Suddenly, he grabbed my wrists, and I dropped my sword—accidentally.

"What the—let go—"

"I won't."

"YOU—"

My words were left unspoken.

My lips were blocked by his—prevented my speech.

"Stop—nn—you—"

He still kissed me.

"Let go—mnnn—let me—nnn—"

His body pushed me, and I fell on the floor.

"…nnn—Ieya—mnn….."

"This is what happened when you let me live," he said, among his kisses.

I grabbed his kimono—tightened my grip.

Absurdly, I don't want to let him go away from me.

He seemed a bit startled by my actions.

"Then," I whispered on his ear, "Letting you to live isn't bad either."

His eyes widened—glimmered in somewhat blissful glow.

"Are you serious—saying that—?" He asked.

I reached his face, and touched his lips with mine.

He opened his mouth, and I felt his warm tongue touched my lips.

"I guess," he whispered—so gently, "I don't need to ask your answer again."

* * *

><p><em><strong>This time,<strong>_

_**I don't let go off my heart,**_

_**Because the power of belief **_

_**Will set the love free.**_

_**Instead of waiting for a miracle,**_

_**I want you to hold onto my hand.**_

_**Because the power of belief**_

_**Will set me free.**_

* * *

><p>The night continues, and the moon slowly melts into the black, starry sky.<p>

That night, I spent all the times with him, inside his barred palace.

We were trying to come back, to the long lost forgotten past.

We were trying to come back to the times when we were young.

I was trying to come back to the times when he was precious to me.

I was trying to give things another chance.

However, whenever I try to forget everything he had done, an unbearable pain strikes me.

Whenever I try to kill him, another pain strikes me again—and again.

Unable to hide my pain, I clenched my chest—breathing hardly.

Aware of my condition, Ieyasu touched my cheek—wiped away my sweat.

"What's wrong? You're so pale."

I felt my eyebrows furrowed, and my breathing was getting more and more hard.

"It hurts," I whispered.

Ieyasu gently touched my chest, and I felt his warmth flew into my skin.

"It really hurts. When I'm trying to love you, my chest hurts. When I'm trying to hate you back, my chest hurts again. I don't know what am I supposed to do."

He took my hands, and kissed them passionately.

"Just kill me, then, Milord."

I shook my hands away, and glared at him.

"If my death can be your salvation," he said, "So be it. It would be my honor."

I bit my lip, and I threw my arms around him—much to his shock.

"No," I said—with trembling voice, "I told you—when I'm trying to kill you, I'm in pain again. I can't take it anymore."

Ieyasu smiled at me, and kissed my neck with his tongue.

Again, I felt burning sensation all over my body.

It pains, but at the same time, it's comfortable.

It makes me hurt, but it also makes me happy.

"Ieyasu…I—" I whispered to him, while he held my body right on his arms.

"What is it, Milord?"

"…I'm scared…"

He stared at me, a bit startled.

"I'm scared of loving you," I said, with shaky voice.

"I'm trying to love you again, but it really pains me inside. And I don't want to kill you—since it's also hurting me. I'm really scared…"

Suddenly, Ieyasu embraced me—so tight.

I lost my words—even my thoughts, I can't remember what was I thinking.

"Don't be scared," he said—while hugging me tightly, "Don't fear this love."

I saw his eyes under the moonlight—glimmering, filled with such affection.

I put my head on his chest—listened to his heartbeat.

It was calming. So pure.

"I don't know. I'll try."

He smiled, and kissed my nose.

"Yes, you better, Milord."

Whenever he touched me, I felt my skin is like burning.

It hurts, but it's a pleasure.

Yes, I will try to give things another chance.

I will give the love another chance.

* * *

><p><em><strong>You don't have to fear this love,<strong>_

_**This love,**_

_**This time,**_

_**I don't let go off my heart,**_

_**Because the power of belief **_

_**Will set the love free.**_

_**Instead of waiting for a miracle,**_

_**I want you to hold onto my hand.**_

_**Because the power of belief**_

_**Will set me free.**_

_**("This Love"- Angela Aki)**_


End file.
